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Markov Biological Madness

Did you know that:
  • Slugs are gastropods that have white flowers for a specific tissue?
  • This has produced a nuclear matrix secreted into the bird’s plasma membrane?
  • Differences among tissues in water permeability can be measured by the fluid in the fern life cycle which results in two atoms of the kidney?


I wrote a program that will "summarize" biology -- I downloaded a lot of serious writing about biology, and then used Markov chains to produce hilarious new information like the "facts" seen above. I wrote this in PHP, it's currently hosted on an Olin College server.


My new version mashes together anything you feed it. I gave it news articles and music reviews with excellent results. Here are the classic Hall of Fame Markov Madness hits:

In his 2002 political campaign, Gerhard Schröder, then the German public continuing to be competing against each other. A suspect was arrested, the ministry said in a rich, restrained baritone that helps give even his rowdier songs a touch of classic-country elegance.

Mr. Gordon, a retired Marine lieutenant general and a metal-schooled three-ax attack into songs that are both action-packed and gratuitously stylized. Mr. Wilhelm said that he was getting out of control, blackened 700 acres and destroyed a house, garage, travel trailer, four cars and three outbuildings before being contained.

A fire destroyed five luxury boats docked just west of the material packs as much tedium as simple charm. High winds on Sunday fanned the flames and the country ballad "Picture" (with Gretchen Wilson filling in for Sheryl Crow) are all here in bright, full-bodied versions. A suspect was arrested, the ministry announced, as the situation became a world-class pop-rock act.